locked in vacuity

That crippling kind of phenomenon where one’s senses were locked up in a vacuous has led me to void. It was like I have lost my sense of sight in an instant; lost the patience to try to listen, understand, and shed tears to whom I have encountered with. I was too preoccupied with my own inadequacy that I forgot to see beyond their words left unspoken.

Perhaps, it’s the resulting curse when you lost the passion to get in touched with the feeling of others and deny your own. It was like a disease in which the only cure is to look back and try to remember why you’re here in the first place. Why you chose to have faith rather than be reasonable, for instance.

If you try to rummage what’s really in there that you worked hard for, inclined with your field, serving people for instance, in which you think you have to put the correct amount of attitude or humility for its sake. Then that. Why was so much fervent? What is there that you hope for? Or how about that deafening crux roads in your life where you have to make extreme decision whether you still stay to make believe that you are truly happy for the current course and be peevish for the rest of your life, or be otherwise.

As if you just unraveled an access to reality from being blindfolded for ages that has resulted to these paralyzing bifurcation. It’s crippling, indeed. It’s like a frightening cancer or concussion that obstruct and falter your every reason to live.

I remembered, once a biblical man once said that you gain nothing from this world. all is vanity. It’s just like chasing the wind.

So, it will matter only if you seek the reason why you’re here.

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3 thoughts on “locked in vacuity

  1. Wow!! Such an intense profound writing! I admire the way you describe everything and the deep insight in finding the reason why we are here, why we are living, or why we should live.

    I can fully relate to everything you have said here, everyone has its low point and naturally we become insensitive to others. There will be a time when you just have to trust what needs to be done though you don’t exactly know what will happen next. With what I just let go, I just said “please rescue me from this holding” if this is not yours (I even can’t figure if it’s the Lord’s for me or not).

    But then it happened the way I asked, and it came that my option was to choose the last thing I have to. That time I really couldn’t grasp or understand why it has to happen. But I know the ultimate answer can only be found in Him. And so He did show me that He is faithful and I’m the one who was not. Yet He said “wait on me, stay focus”.

    I remember the Pastor’s wife said, “bit by bit” never “big by big”, truly the Lord has to make it “bit by bit” for me because His answers and revelation needs to be digested well like food for our soul. And I’m sure He will too with you as you trust Him. πŸ™‚

    1. oh hi there! first of all i want to say thank you for patiently reading this post…haha!
      thanks for the empathy, the encouraging words, and for sharing your own story….i’m touched… i just don’t know how to express it… but really i’m touched. πŸ™‚

      1. No, i’m more touched. πŸ™‚
        HE just let me bump on your testimony to also testify. Happy to hear from you. I don’t really know what’s on that writing, what I know is the depth. So whatever it is, I know you can make it…just TRUST.

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